Gumbo: The Roux of Belonging

Dear Grace Space Family:

Have you ever had a bowl of gumbo that was just so good it made you feel right at home? That’s the kind of warmth and comfort we want to create for our children through a sense of belonging. In our latest podcast episode, we dive deep into the Gumbo of Belonging. This analogy not only connects our love for good food but also speaks to the essential ingredients of nurturing our kids' emotional and social development.

You will see yourself in the personal stories from my journey in education and parenting. I’ll guide parents through the foundational "roux" of belonging and explain why this element is critical to helping our children thrive. Spoiler alert: It’s not just about having the right ingredients; it’s about taking the time to let them simmer and develop their full flavor.

The Essence of Gumbo

Born and raised in New Orleans, Louisiana, I’ve always had a deep appreciation for gumbo—a beloved culinary staple. A typical gumbo is a rich blend of ingredients: chicken, sausage, seafood, okra, and the essential roux, made from flour and oil and cooked until it reaches a deep, chocolate brown. Like the roux is the backbone of delicious gumbo, a sense of belonging is the foundation for our children's development. If we don’t get that roux right, the entire dish falls flat; similarly, if our children lack a sense of belonging, it can hinder their ability to thrive in the world.

Understanding Belonging

Belonging is about feeling accepted, valued, and part of something larger than ourselves. It assures that we are seen and heard, especially within our communities. We do assess our children's sense of belonging at Grace Space Educational Consulting. By understanding the state of their "belonging roux," we can create personalized plans to support each child's unique journey. This focus on relationships distinguishes Grace Space from other educational consulting firms, enabling us to facilitate the transformations that families desire.

The Impact of Parenting

Reflecting on the experiences that shape our children's sense of belonging, I recall my early days in education. Sitting in the "Judge and Jury" seat, I observed various parenting styles and thought, “When I have my children, I won’t allow this or that.” However, when my children entered their teenage years, I had to reassess those notions and adapt to the realities of parenting.

I married later than many of my friends, who were already raising their children. Some would joke, “Your children are going to be in therapy for something.” I’d respond, “What? Maybe your child, not mine.” But life has a way of teaching us lessons we never anticipated. We can unintentionally impact our children's "belonging roux" when we compare them to their siblings. Perhaps your other children were easy-going, needing little more than food and shelter. Then there’s that one child who requires everything from you, making their ongoing needs feel like a burden. Recognizing how these comparisons can affect a child's sense of belonging is essential.

Assessing Your Child's Belonging Roux

So, how do we assess if our child's 'belonging roux' needs attention? Here are a few questions to consider:

Is your child withdrawn or disengaged in social settings?
Do they often express feelings of not fitting in?
Have they experienced significant life changes, such as moving, changing schools, or family issues?
Are they an extreme extrovert, constantly seeking attention or validation from others?
As you work with your support village, consider specific points of entry. Reflect on moments like a particular teacher, a difficult season at home, or other experiences that could have impacted your child's sense of belonging.

The Importance of Time

Our role as parents, educational leaders, and mental health professionals is to monitor that 'gumbo,' regularly assess the roux, and provide support where needed. It's crucial to remember that a child's Executive Function skills won’t be fully developed until they are 26. Yes, you heard me right—26! Just like gumbo, they are still cooking.

In New Orleans, we often cook gumbo during the holidays, preparing ingredients—cutting seasonings, selecting the right crabs, and deveining shrimp—all before we even begin to make the roux. This process requires patience, yet, as parents and educators, we often wish things would move faster. Our children need this time to ensure they are fully prepared for life’s challenges.

Reflecting on my journey, I often ask myself, “What are we perfecting our children for? Why are we rushing them to the finish line?” The most important goal is understanding who they are, why they are here, and that they are accepted, bumps and bruises included. Adopting this perspective as our guiding principle, we equip our children to overcome obstacles because their 'belonging roux' is solid.

The Foundation of Success

A strong sense of belonging—feeling seen, heard, and accepted—will be the cornerstone of successful experiences in life. Check out the full conversation on the Creating Space with Dr. B. Podcast.

As you think about the insights shared in this blog post, consider how you can continue to foster a sense of belonging within your family. Open up those conversations that nurture your children's emotional and social development—every little effort counts! If you’d like to explore ways to support this critical journey together, please book a no-obligation discovery call with our team.

At Grace Space, we love building community with our parents. Whether you are a current client or simply seeking a community with like-minded individuals, our next cohort of the Grace Space Advantage Parent Accelerator Program will open for application next week. We have limited space. We are looking forward to working with your family.